yahooooooooooo i m feeling soooooooooooo happy!!!!!!!!feels gd to be feelign this way after a longggg time..HARI CALLED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i cldnt belive my ears!!when i heard his voice i was like in heaven...he asked me i sounded so surprised liek i didnt expect his call...yea!!he said onli last two days so i tot thurs n fri onli..we toked for abt 22min46secs..usuali tats teh shortest conversation i had wth him..but we dunt have a choice..he said he had sum kind of accident...i was quite expectign this kinda of thing to happen tats y i was worried all along..luckily nuthign huge happened to him..he was fine..but he said he wld be fined..n i made a huge mistake of tellign him tat i had sumthign to tell him when he was coming back!!!!wat an idiot i shld have known he wld force me to tell him..juz acts liek an impatient idiot at times liek this haiyzz>>i reali didnt want to tell him still but i told him anyhow..he didnt quite respond to the situation as i tot he will but he did say that wat he going to tell his parents..so i told him i bought the phone for him..he kept pestering me to tell him teh price but eventuali i did but i toldl him firmly tat i m not gign to accept any money from him..it wasnt his fault tat i lost the phone..y shld he give me back the money then?!i asked him how coem he wasnt angry n he jokingly said that bcoz i bought the phone..i'm reali glad i boughtit..he said he'll call me today but havent yet..wonder wats he doign now..muz be enjoyign himself..hope he comes back safely...

ok this is abt my father.....he's ben such an idiot...as usual..wanted me to wake up the fat pig(my buffalo bro) as usual for sch early morning.i am already veri grumpy in the morning..n sum more wan me to wake him up..tat means i muz wake up a hr b4 i usuali do!!ok nvm..as its my fate at least they(my parents) can leave me alone rite?! NO!! they muz call teh house a hundred million times to check wat their precious gem n diamon is doing every ten mins..wldn u be mad?!well i was damn furious so i put the phone of the hook!!!but my da called my phone n when i ans>>i kinda fighted wth him..he said y i neva ans i said i put the phoen of the hook he ask y then i said if u pple keep callign how am i supposed to get him ready??then he said how can u tok to ur daddy liek tat(in a drunkard state of coz) then i said ..(i was reali mad n grumpy)i already got him ready he's goign to leave...then he still can ask me y i neva fetch him to sch?!i said i no need to go to sch ah...well wats he doing?!!!!!!!!!!!bladdy hell gettign drunk in the wee hours of the morning..n questioning me sumore!!!!!!i wanted to ask himthat ques to but i bit my toungejuz in time.....he sld be the one doing this not me...becoz i gettign not enuff sleep i'm not fresh enuff in class n when i m not..i'm not attentive n i miss out wat the teacher saying..it happened many times n i cant bear it patiently any more so i dunno y but i juz burst out liek tat this morning...i dunno but i might lose my nerves reali soon..might end up in mental hospital also if this pple ard me are liek this all the time..wish em luck......

k thers exactly a week to go now...for him to be back..u have absolutely no idea how much i can mis him...its was isolotion for me today..didnt feel liek gogin anywher...i was soo bored..i knew he'll not call..all i can do is wait patiently for him to come back..n i tot he not calign me everyday was bad..now i cant even see him let alone hear his voice..

it reali sucks big time...i cant wait to see my darlign again to hug him n hang out all the places we used to..haiyzz i noe i'm alwways writing abt him..coz he's all tat i think abt n i can think abt...i bet he doestn think so..but tats the truth..

today i'm dead tired...i had a stupid buziness test wch i studied liek mad dog for...in the end the paper seemed so manageable..nuthign liek i expected..i cld ans every ques..i guess i got everythign correct hopefulli...i tot i was goign to fail all along becoz i was soo stressed...thnk god tat was over..then we went for lunch wch was another boring thing..it was raining duly the whoel day..wch suited my mood..

my sch suckz..we went into the IT lab n guess wat..the power was off?! n the teacher was liek do ur own things..is this how they teach at ite..no power do our own stuff haiyz..so sick..nvm abt tat..i n nurul took a stroll ard the already borign sch..nuthing much..went to self access room it was full.

buiness lesson was soo boring...then after tat we had to go to sum stupid first aid tok?! i was so pissed luckily hari wasnt here if not i wld hav skipped it..it was from 2 to 3...then at 3.30 we had to go to stupid bridge leaders 1st meeting..they introduced all teh stupid members n so on..i was like when am i gign to get out????

finalli the president idiot let us out at 5 mins to 5...sigh..i told myself i had to collect the sim card no matter wat..i went to doby gaut coz the lad had said i can colllect it ther..i dunno y this hari went to tampiness haiyzz..then onli waited for 5 mins tehn they gave my sim card..i was sooo happy...then i got out of ther as fast tas pssible..

in teh train ther were a few stupid indian guys..i wentto the orange cabin coz ther was little pple..it was damn crowded at the peak hr..i had no place so i had to stand infront of them..they were all gigling liek gals..n kept glancign a me..i took my mp3 out n fut it to max volume n looked out of the window liek it was the most interesting thing in the world..i noe they were toking abt me n i was also abit scared they try to do sumthign funni liek tok to me..so 1nce i put on a straight face n listened to the mp3..i guess they gave up..after a while a lady got up n i sat down...yishun came..they all stood up to go..they were goign down the stairs they all waved to me!!...wat stupid piece of shit rite?!!i reali wasnt in mood for all these crap..

once i got home i fixed my sim card to my phone..it worked..but haris contacts were all gone:(
i'm still hoping he wldnt be mad at me...sigh...

countdown:8

thurs..

ok i dunno wat i m doing...i'm so craziii...i'm actuali supposed to be studyign for my ca tom..buz law..all teh topics are soo hard..i feel liek a lawyer tryign to remeebr all teh buziness articles bl bla bla...haiyzz i need to study late tonite..well my dad is so irritating..askign my mom now to pay his hp bills..now tat i got no money to loan him..its gd in a way..but i noe i shldnt be liek tat..he juz doesnt seem to be doign anything but his bills r liek 100 for two mths..so damn irritating..i felt so irritated juz now..

n i miss hari so much..if he was here i wld have told him or probably got angry wth him over it aso..luckily he not here to see me like this if not we'll end up fighting..sigh>>>ther r still 9 more days to his arrival..i'm still couting down..i hope he doesnt have to go anymore..i feel so lonely wthout him ard...even though i stil have my frens i dun even feel liek hangign out or tokign to them..i didn even tok to iswari tat much..din tok to her recently..she came online n i juz appeared to be soo busy..i dunno why i did tat but i feel its better i keep it to myself..

i seem to have lost my appetide to eat..i juz ate sandwich today..as usual all started askign am i on diet(roll eyes)...i cant wait till i go to collect my sim card...its so sickening!!haiyzhoep sumthign interesting will happen in the weekend if not i'm gogin to be bored to sad..i realise i m not so smiley as i used to also..pple think i'm havign pms all the time..i noe i can onli smile once my darlign is back..i'm reali counting the days...i dun even noe how he's doing or watsoever..i hope everythign is fine n he's well...wish me luck for tom CA!!

1 week later..

well today i ddi sumthing...after sch i went straight to the old interchange wch i asked ard n found out tat they sold cheaper down ther..ther were couple of shops..all teh prices were below 350+...wch i had asked from my father as my next semester fees...i felt liek a crook...but i had no choice:(..i hated myself when i had it..i told myself i wld earn it back no choice..i ad to juz think on the positive side n tel myself tat tis is one of the many lessons tat i had to learn from..i have to say this made a reali big impact on me...i wld neva borrow or ask for his things anymore..i guess tis is my punishment for sort of manipulating him to give me his phoen 4 3 weeks...tat makes me hate myself even more...

the salesgal gave me a final price of 340 for the phoen wth warranty..she showed me 2nd phoen wch was cheaper..but i told myself..is it fair for him to have a 2nd hand phoen..when he left it in my hands>>it was onli 2 days??my heart said no so i bought the new one..after tat i cld feel my heart feel lighter than usual but not completely light..a part of the burden has been lifted i told myself as i left the place to take the 911 bus home..sum stupid malaysian guys were giving sum comments as i walked pass but i cldnt be bothered..ther were other things runnign thru my head like..i need to collect my sim card on fri...then shld i tell him..wld he noe..he had to noe..i wld feel guilty if i dunt tell him...i told myselfl i had to juz tel him..he wldnt be happy at all but at least i dun wan him to feel sad when he comes back espesiali..i juz dun wan to be the course to ruin his mood when he's back expectign to see us all happilly...i hate tat...

i hope he wld forgive me...i miss him soo much..i have juz realised how much i love him as well...

today reali sucked...i was missing hari as usual..nurul didnt coem coz she sick..i was sitting alone....i went luch wth anita..her bf came ther..brought tis mee soup for her coz she sick..sigh..tats gd rite..i noe hari wld do it too if he was here..n free...well the prob is still naggign on me..i didnt do as expeced for acc..onli 81%...other than tat today was reali boring...the whole day..i wish the days wld pass more faster so i wldnt miss him tat much...

well..havent been writing past few days..coz >>>rite...i've been soaking in remorse..i cant sleep properly..cant concentrate properly..its reali disturbign me..i even feel liek i cant be happy anymore..i've been havign nightmares n dreams continuosly too n i hate it..coz..in my dreams i always get da phoen back n when i wake up..its liek snap back to realit..n i'm back to square 1 worrying again..i can feel this deep guilt in my heart..always feel heavy..sigh..i keep thinkign wat to ans hari when he's back..n how i'm gogin to face him..the prob liek looming over my head..i juz cant to forget it..n i reali miss him on top of tat..i dunno how i m gogin to study for my upcoming exams..i cant even tok to him..i dunno if he tried callign even..in my drem i felt liek i was the luckiest gal when i got back my phone..n i even had nightmares of losing my phone..i juz have to werk n give him back the money if not i'll have no peace of mind..i cant even eat liek b4..i think i'll get thinner than b4...sigh..when he left i was so lookign forward to his arrival..now i'm dreading it thinking abt watz gogin to happen..i'm expectign the worst..y does life always have to be like his..wat did i do..i din even steal pple stuff b4..i've even helped return stuff..n tis happens when he's not ard..as if tats not enuff..tis to add on to my probs..i didnt ell anyone other than my sch mates..i dun wan everyone to pity me n think i'm such a careless idiot liek i dun already noe it..i'm tryign to look on the bright side still..its useless............i cant even pray coz of my sis......god i'm sorri..pls stop this ..i don think i can take more..tis is the worst thing tat can eva happen to me n i hope it doesnt happen to anyone.............

lost hari's SONY ERICCSAN T630

this is y i hate life>>>i lost my phone!!!!!great!!the best part is..its not even my phone...its hari's..gr8 huh..juz gr8..i reali dunno wat the hell...y muz this always happen to me?!!arghaaaaaaa can i kill sumone or rather myself..i hate myself...i reali despise myself..wat am i gogin to ans to him??its a new phoen sumore..haiyz..new model..expensive sumore..arghaaaa i'd juz have to kill myself..no tat will mean he wont hav a phone in the end..i dunno if i shld tell him..i think he'll hate me for sure..he'll never trust me wth anything..wat a useless gf he has..onli adding on to his probs..sigh..i've no choice i can onli suspend the line..i wld hav felt better if i had lost mine instead of his..maybe i shld sell my phone..get him a phone immediately..but i dunno..i'll juz wait till i tell him..i dun even noe how to break it to him..he'll regret giving the phoen to me..i guess he knew all along..wat an idiot i m..juz a plain shithead wth nuthign inside..i'll juz go buy him a new phone..its my fault..so now its my responsibility..onli i dun hav any money wth me rite now..wch adds more misery to the whole thing..n of coz i hoep the asshole who took my phone burns in hellx100000000000000000000...i hope i learn from tis..i dun wan to tell him when he calls..he'll be soo upset..when he's already stressed out ther..guess i'll tell him when he gets back..sigh..wat a 'pleasant' surprise he shall hav...sum 1 juz tell me y i m on tis earth...now i even havign phobia to hav a phone..i'll juz lose em..i dun even deserve..

well hari called yesterday nite...i went home ard 4...took a bathe n yep went straight to my com..after tat i took a nap n had to be awaken by the geetha's mom...argha...they were gettign ready to go to the temple..and i did't event wish my mom birthday wishes..after they left i was busy watching a tamil movie..wrong move!!!coz immediately when i watchign n after i began missing my darlign even more..sigh..actuali juz abt everythign reminds me of him..n i start missing him all over again..over da days i realise actuali how much i love him..n i definetly cant do without him..i'm so bored..barathi called me n asked abt hari departure..juz as me she tot they were leavign together..she asked me to ask hari if vivek's coming on sun..n tat he told her he not going to call her...when i was watchign the movie half way..hari darlign called!!i was so happy!!he said he was usign his fren's phone n tat he cant tok long..said tat tis the last time he can tok ther..then after that he's gogin on outfeild..aww man i gonna miss him..he said he missed me too n told me to take care..i hope he's fine..he sounded tired tat day poor thing..now he sounded not so bad so i was quite relieved..i told him to take care..he said they were gogin to sleep already..it was already 9 ther..when its onli 7 here.......

today was a normal day at school..nothgin much today..nurul had to be on puasa so i had lunch wth janice n grp..my drink from the vending machine had no straw how is tat??i had to borrow a straw drink up my mineral water n pour it into it...saw the nurse guy at lunch he was as blur as eva...oh yes when i was gogin to school this morning n was crossign the road..a lorry horned at me i looked back instinctly n guess wat i saw>>a loser waving from inside.....sigh...i miss hari more than eva..but guess i have no choice..went to my granma's place today..she gave me lots of bags...i'm so excited!!to wear them all..i m bringign the red sling guess bag tom to sch..:)

;) 

sending hari to the airport

ok here it goes...well yesterday i juz sent my dearest bf to australia>>rockhampton...i can belive it was so fast onli mths ago he was tellign tat he has to go off..n i was like..its onli in oct...still a long way to go..but he's ther already after six hours of flight..he called this mornign n i was so glad to hear his voice..i was so scared for him..on reachign safely..i cant explain teh feelign after sendign him away..was tellign myself tat i wldnt cry n i ddint i'm a strong gal u noe..he was even teasign me not to cry...i'll show him i told myself n i did prove myself rite..btu onli for the time being..juz b4 he left we went to eat at Macs..wth his sis n her fiance..n parents..whiel they were ordering i start feeling reali sick..so i told him i needed to go to the loo n i don think he had n idea tat i was cryign when i came back..smiling up at him..liek nothign happened..well i was holding my tears all the way in the his parents car..told myself repeatly tat he wld be back in three weeks n i still had my frens n the upcomign CAs to fill me in..guess i wasn't resurred enuff..cried more when i was back..

earlier that day..i followed him to temple..we werent on gd terms..been fighiting over nuthign for the past few weeks n mths? its reali crazi..i dun noe whu's fault...then followed him to his house>>told his mom tat i was coming over>>his mom is reali sweet...his room was such a mess as usual..he not a messy person but he was lackign in time..i roned a few shirts for him..n his parents bought some food..after a whiel his sis arrived n she seemed more friendlier..time passed quickly n the next moment we were in car gogin to the airport..

today i missing him more than usual n the loneliness is reali startign to get to me..>>i miss u baby sorri for makign ur life miserable..n fightign wth u..i reali wish i didnt..hope u coem back soon..n we'll start from wher we missed out*winkz*