dhilip he's jzu crazy but me..i'm stupid..ever stupid...will neva change tis attitute of mine..y m i still waiting hoping? wasting my energy n time...on stupid not worth it thingy..n y cant i see the depth of dhlips feelings..sighzz..today he asked me tht ques is physical attraction more imp than emotional..well its no but then sadly enuff i cant bring myself to say tht coz i m entangled in tht..man tis reali sukz...mayb its all juz a test fer me to realise..whu cares abt me more..n the more imp thing in life..but its scary i m so scared to depend on sum1 let myself ofgaurd..its scary..the next thing i noe i'm left wth nothign behind...gosh..all this jeet is not imp...its not real..but i cant stay myself away frm it..the more he doesnt call me the more i feel entangled into it..i guess i'm juz wasting my time on it...how cld it take me so long..but man sheesh its hard..damn hard..i cant forget it..how he made me feel..i dun think any1 can make me feel tht way..again..guess thts y i m so hung on him...HUNG UP is the werd..i shld reali be studyign sighz...havent got anythign doen yet...i guess juz pass will do..i'm so doen wth studies..ni dun wanna werk in sum racist com..fark life!!

yes its sad...he has not called yet..tom he might..i duno..not having confidence..jeevita came online juz now..i told her abt ravi..passed her the photos wth his num also..she was ok wth the idea..then i msg ravi todl him tht i passed her the num..then he said i nothgin bette to do..lik one monkey..lol..then i told him i gonna start match makign agency..lol..then wished both of them gd luck...after tht..hope in the end things turn out gd fer us..yea suresh..toked to him on the phoen yesterday..he was veri nice..even offered to lend me the cam n stuff also thts veri nice of him..seems lik reali nice guy..then he even has the saem interests as me..phtography we agreed on gogin on date to take pics..well lets see wats he like..bac to three guys in my life again..

hmm he havent call..yet...i'm gonna go nuts sooner or later...sighzz..i duno..if is worth it..dhilip on the other hand is promising..but definetly no looks..argha...wish i din care abt them..tis jeet is driving me nuts..wish he wld juz call..or sms at least or sumthing..argha..he called ravi but not me..duno wats up wth him...after next week i duno my mind might juz change..gosh..wish he wldnt go in n out of my life..juz lik tht..i miss him..*GROANS* i even wrote a letter..n his birthday is coming too..no cash to get him anythign god!

arghaaaaaaaa i'm miserable...duno how long i am gign to be able to take this...its been a week exactly...i wonder if he even thinking of me...or anything..i miss him lots...tatds teh hardeast part..when u miss sum1 so much but yet u cant be wth them...n cant even tell them tht u miss them...sighz..i din jzu meet him to noe him fer few days n move on..thers a reason...thers fate..i wish thers an ans a solution to all this..but i've an intuition tht tis is not reality..he can onli cabable of satisfyng my physicali needs..he doesn seem to ask abt my emotional needs...well maybe coz its too early..or his character is juz..lik tht..on the other hand maybe i'm jzu thinking too much..din go to sch on tues n thurs this week..its fri n today saeeda sophie her bf n i n our sis gogin to the theme park together...hope we hav fun n i dun get black...well see ow it goes...arghaaa i cant stop thinking abt him grr..he shld be in outfield by now..wonder how is eh doing...gosh sum1 stop me!!!

muz my life be always unsettled n complicated foreva...or its jzu fated..first i tot he jzu playign ard..then i was free...tot everythign was over..he calls me back on fri to go out wth him...haiyz dunoo wads gogin on!!!then it feels lik he reali misses me but dun wan to be wth me..one reason he jzu dun wan to commit..another he reali dun wan to get me involved..sighz i relai duno wat the hell..then i passed ravi his badge..then toked to him fer a while then he said..if the prob lies wth u he wld be tokgin to the rst not onli u...then yea he gt a point..but the reasons he gave em fer breakign up also botheres me..then today went to temple..vicky say dun trust..ir eali duno la the way he acts wth em n all..veri veri confused rite now wish i can escape frm all this..

wow yesterday i got to actuali see david blaine magic fer myself...onli the guy wasnt daid blaine..it was so damn interesting the way he did his magic n stuff...man how cewl..he flicked the cards..n guesed all the cards exactly..n he even took a card out of my hair..then the scariest part was he even levitated!!!omgd i almost fainted..we were at arab street to smoke shesha n relax n he brought me to the back to show it to me..i was lik ohmygoodness...n i tot ther mu be sum kinda tv trick..btu infront of my eyes was jzu too unbelivable..he even rooled two tissues into balls..he gave one to me n asked em to close it tight...then he waved it reali fast over n the next thing when i opened my hands the other tissue appeared in my hands!! oh my god still gives me the creeps..then he even guessed wat i was readign wch was freaky

hmm been sum times...well my life pretty messed up rite now..waiting to finishi ite in two weeks..n then it wld be all over..after tht gotta go find werk..shuckz!! gd fer those gogin to poly though sighz..all teh best fer them:)
jeet is back in my life again..i mean..well..sertain things tht shldnt happen happened...not tht i invited it..its juz unavoidable..coz we both hav the hots fer each other..but its not enuff..eventuali its gonna die out..n i dun wan a relationship based on tis..but jeet has sum probs tht he doesnt wan to tok abt...well yesterday went to villa bali wth him n his bunkmate..sum things he says r trustable but certain things make me think...its juz i'm paranoid or he's reali havign probs..we had a small tok..he says he doesnt wan me to wait till his probs r over..but he admits tht he still hav feeligns fer me if not he wld've moved on..i dunno wat to do...all i noe for now is to wear turtleneck when i meet him...sighzzz